Sorry? Knackered you say? As I laugh into my third double shot cappuccino of the day (it’s 10.40am and I need it to recover from the school run).
You don’t know tiredness till you’re three babies down, with an accumulative lack of sleep over 11 years (first baby eventually slept through the night at 16 months – that is a solid 16 months of night-time breastfeeding), you’re attempting to meet a deadline by writing till 1am, and then one of your delightful offspring panic shouts from his bed ‘I need a poo!’. Yup, it’s 4.22am. Now we can talk tiredness. (On the plus side, he didn’t do it in the bed. Every cloud and all that.).
As resident beauty girl at The Grumpy Parent, here’s my low down on some sleep-inducing lotions and potions, so you can catch some beauty zzz’s no matter what curveballs your offspring throw at you in the small hours. We’re talking STUFF THAT ACTUALLY WORKS. Yes, products that are used (not just ‘tested’) by real-life mums, to help them not flip their lid…
Despite its name, forget the bath or shower – who has the energy for that before bed?! Nope, didn’t think so. Just dab onto your pulse points (wrists and neck) and onto your chest, inhale deeply and fall into an essential oil-induced coma. This is only for the hardcore. It knocks you out and you feel fuzzy in the morning (until you’ve caffeinated), so don’t use it if you need to be on the ball for work first thing. This is all about the deep chill. And not the Ibiza Cafe del Mar house sort of deep chill. The real thing.
If your sleep is seriously rubbish at the moment, don’t worry it gets better (well, you’ve got to look forward to something, right?!) So for now, we need to sort out your beauty sleep – without you actually getting any sleep. This is where Sarah Chapman and Decleor come in. These oils are so outstandingly superb, you can literally fall into bed at 3am after the pub, cup of tea Friday night out and be woken at 6.15am by one of your kids and not look completely crap the morning after. (Disclaimer: you will need to take off your Friday night makeup and cleanse before applying one of these oils. Sorry, I know you didn’t want to hear that part.). Plumping, firming, brightening, wrinkle-reducing, illuminating and glow-enhancing – I could go on, I love them so much. These are a marketing man’s dream because they actually work and are pretty darned impressive with the radiance-boosting results they deliver. Even if you partied hard the night before.
Finally, you’ve doused yourself in Deep Relax, slapped on the facial oil and your eye mask is at the ready, but you still need an extra boost? You’ve got to pull out the big guns. The Sleep Plus Pillow Spray. From ex-Vogue Beauty Director Kathy Phillips (she’s a woman who knows a thing or 7 million about beauty products) comes This Works – simply named because her formulas are so effective. Socially responsible too, with no nasties – including sulphates, synthetic colours, parabens, mineral oils and petrolatum, they also work with British farmers to source natural ingredients and their manufacturing and research & development is UK based. This spritz takes no prisoners when it comes to disturbed sleep or falling sleep. There’s a tension that builds when one of your rascals wakes you up and the resulting anxiety that you might not drop off again and it’s only two hours till the alarm and the groundhog day of parenting starts again…blah blah blah! This will help, I promise.
This stuff all works for me, but the main thing is just get to bed before midnight and get off Twitter/Facebook/Instagram, leave the laundry pile at the bottom of the stairs, don’t sign that school letter and start hunting for an envelope to put it in. LEAVE IT ALL. That is the simplest way to get more sleep. Astonishing really. Get into your actual bed before midnight. (You’re welcome.) 🙄